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JOURNAL


ree


Me and depression go way back like we knew each in our past life

Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud.


I’ve been so close to the pad I can read between the lines literally.


Tears done fell down so much in the dark the puddle should show a reflection of my true self.


Each line has a story behind it.


I wake up sweating from running from depression in my sleep..


The dream seems to never end.


I’m a hamster on the wheel, trying to run from my own mental.


I’ve thought about the afterlife.


Oddly enough not even how I would die just fast forwarding to the point where I’m finally at peace.


I walked by a cemetery on my way to work and imagined myself in their place.


Role reversal..it’s sad that a 23 year old kid is thinking about this..


My life is at a stand still w/ no breakthroughs.


It’s like walking thru the motions everyday.


The support system usually is the ones who you don’t even know who show the most interest in your business or ideas.


Instead everyone just wants free things.


I choose to live in my own world.


They say keep fighting it and find other outlets..


But they never tell you how long to keep fighting for.. similarly to how they never tell you about real life things in school


but want you to know how to add equations that you may never use.


What round am I in? Seems like the devil and his friends are substituting to keep pushing me to the edge


I realized that half the time me caring about most things are dead..


I wish it wasn’t too late to give up..


I’m paying for things I have no control over.. currency can’t buy depression out.


Depression living rent free..


This is the illness that won the war..



 
 
 

Trayvon Martin. Tamir Rice. Darius Simmons. Mike Brown. Walter Scott. Freddie Gray. Sandra Bland...



ree

And now Alton Sterling. These are some of the more known names of those killed by police in only the last few years. There's hundreds more since 2010. Thousands since 2000 and millions since the birth of the United States. I don't know how many more have to be beaten, brutalized & even killed before we as an entire nation finally realize it has to stop. The truth is: it never will as long as we don't see each other as equals and speak up for each other when injustice is happening right before our eyes. I know you might not think your voice matters but there are MILLIONS of people just like you who think the same thing. If all of us truly come together and speak up, it might not happen today, tomorrow, next month or even next year but they will be forced to hear us out one day and understand that we won't stand for this kind of injustice any longer but it all starts with YOU... Become the change you want to see in the world. Spread love & positivity to all those who need it. White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, Caribbean, Middle Eastern... We're all human beings, we all breathe the same air & bleed the same blood. No one on Earth is above or below you so please don't take “Black Lives Matter” to mean that they believe they are more valuable than you or more important than you, the message behind that movement is they deserve equal treatment as you and they simply aren't getting it and they won't as long as everyone else turns a blind eye to what's happening. So rise up, no matter what race you are and let this corrupt country who never gave a fuck about us know that they better start giving a fuck or else they'll never hear the end of it. As I said once before, BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD! People change people and I believe that one day there will be peace among all of us if we just LISTEN TO THOSE IN NEED. It is a big dream but it's not an impossible one as long as a lot of us become courageous enough to step up for one another rather than staying quiet and letting these injustices get swept under the rug like we've been doing as a nation for the last 250+ years. I know a lot of you will probably read this & think “Nahhh some things will never change” and that's the EXACT mentality that keeps people oppressed. So I'll leave you with this... Start with yourself because the power of one can become the power of many. I believe in myself, I believe in you & I believe in all of us. Together we can raise the next generation to be greater than us and who knows? Maybe one day people will look back at our generation & call us uncivilized savages the same way we look back at some of the generations before us... Anyways, I hope there are a few of you who already share these sentiments and if you weren't, I hope you are now. This is bigger than you & I so please don't take this message lightly. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this & I hope y'all enjoyed it... God bless y'all. I'm out

 
 
 

ree

& your scarlet vibrations rip their way through your skin rough to the touch you shy away & blush too much detail in this tanned line listening to old Mya while admiring your natural henna an hypnotist quality your body changes position & these travel paths change i envision what goes on underneath look at you look at we both of our skins stretched jolly following these paths on you my favorite hobby i wonder if goosebumps appear between these divisions a juxtaposition a tear accentuated by joy these tears create tiers of tears that tearaway at places that hurt us most we share ourselves at points most vulnerable hoping someone doesn't react w/ "that's gross" we subtly try stretch beyond the limits of our shirts small panic to not be hurt we want someone to appreciate this this form of body modification that we've all been through we punctuate ourselves yet get told it's ruining bastardizing the natural form no one understands: i don't need your fucking opinion on my home i always had an obsession with lightning scars taking its own form on flesh burning the oils instantly whereas these these natural glimpses into me were ripped slow i look at you in the nighttime silhouette barely recognizable yet, there's this glow you're showing me inside yourself normally you're shy but you're sharing something you want only i to know & it's known my flesh bears the same mark but this night you remarked you wanted to share something with a teddy bear who's ripped but still holds all his cute stuffin' you, baby, yes you, are made of a special something a tear passes my eye realizing how grateful i am that i can appreciate your tears

& be grateful it didn't tear you into nothing.

 
 
 
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